How To Deal With Spiritual Guilt

Assalamu Alaykum,

Every Thursday evening I return home to my kids, after having left them for most of the week due to travel and work. That moment when I walk through the door and they run to hug me is what I most look forward to every week. And I always bring them a surprise, mostly in the form of chocolate.

This week as I was taking a stroll on my lunchtime break, trying to find them a new type of chooclate that they would be excited about. I reflected on why I feel compelled every week to do this.

Growing up as a toddler, my own dad used to work very long hours at a local convenience store. After leaving home at 6am and coming back at 8pm everyday, he used to give my siblings and I, one chocolate bar each. My favorite was Caramac (I don’t think they do those anymore!).

25 years later, this small tradition continues, now between me and my kids.

But why?

Coming back home and giving my kids a small chocolate treat is a way for me to say sorry for not being there for the whole week. It’s an act of forgiveness to make up for a deficiency that I have. It’s a way for me to resolve the feeling of not being good enough.

When I cast my mind back 25 years, my dad also had the same feeling. It’s funny how we all think how different we are to our family members, when in fact, we’re all very similar.

During this moment, I thought about my relationship with my Creator and the feeling of not being good enough and deficient in the state of being Muslim. It’s something that we all feel from time to time. This constant pendulum swing from being close to our faith to distant.

This feeling can sometimes be relatively paralyzing.

However.

In the same spirit in which I return to my kids with an act of kindness for my own feeling of not being good enough. The same way we should return to our creator with acts of kindness too.

That feeling of not being good enough, that deficiency that we all have in the state of being Muslim, should be our greatest asset.

THIS WEEK: Think about your childhood and ways in which people ‘made up’ to you and reflect on your relationship with Allah. What could you do more of to make up for your shortcomings?